I am pregnant!

The news came as a total surprise, as we weren’t planning for another baby at all. In fact, we were very much finished with having more children. I had gone through the emotional period of waving goodbye to the sweet years of having babies. I had come to terms with the fact that this period had ended for us, and had decided to embrace the next phases of my life, of seeing our kids grow and develop into beautiful children, teenagers, adults. I happily gave away our baby stuff, and it was all fine. Nice even! It was a good feeling, to be where I was in my life.

The last year has been very busy for me. There was a lot of work and travel, there were a lot of school projects I was taking part in, loads of social activities and parties to arrange… On top of taking care of our household, I was struggling to get everything done. At the end of the school year, I was exhausted. I had little to no energy, and even fell asleep on the sofa in the middle of the day (that NEVER happens to me!). I decided I was suffering from stress and that I was maybe close to a burn-out, and intended to take it real easy during the summer holidays.

During our vacation in France, I discovered that I had missed a period. I still felt exhausted and without energy, and felt so bloated! I couldn’t be pregnant, as we had not had unsafe sex. My husband is a serious guy — he is very careful with these kind of things!* So I ruled that possibility out. After a bit of research, I decided that perhaps I was suffering from early pre-menopause symptoms. Missed period — check. Tired and listless — check. Bloated belly — check.

The next few weeks weren’t any better. Now I was also feeling continuously nauseous, and at this point I was getting afraid that something was terribly wrong. I could have cysts on my ovaries, or even worse, cancer?? I decided to see a doctor as soon as I was back in Amsterdam. But beforehand, I wanted to make 100% sure I wasn’t pregnant after all. And… you can guess. A big fat positive outcome!

I’m being completely honest with you here. It was a shock. I was feeling confused, but also relieved that I was ‘just’ pregnant. At least nothing terrible was happening to me! When we had our first scan, a few days later, we saw a little tiny baby, with arms and legs, waving at us. By that point I was nearly 12 weeks pregnant!!

It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions since, with feelings of excitement, panic and confusion all mixing in my mind. It’s the weirdest start of a pregnancy. I wasn’t meant to be pregnant. We have no idea when (and how!) this baby was conceived. And I completely ‘missed’ my first trimester! At the moment I am 15 weeks pregnant. I have more energy and am slowly getting used to walking this new path of life. The kids and Tamar are beyond excited (and I’m getting there too!). This baby is definitely the biggest surprise ever, but a very, very welcome one after all. : )

xxx Esther

* You may wonder — why do you let your husband take care of contraception? Well, it is because I felt that after our last baby, my body had gone through enough. Years of contraception (the pill, and an IUD after that), 4 pregnancies and births, years of breastfeeding, all of the hormones… I thought it was his turn, and he agreed; he was going to get ‘the snip’. But… well, let’s just say, it hasn’t happened yet. So we used alternative birth control in the meantime (condoms, in case you’re curious), and have, as I said, been really serious about not becoming pregnant. (I have even taken the morning after pill once, when we were slightly in doubt we had been careful enough…)