THURSDAY THOUGHTS

Depression during pregnancy

This past April, in Australia, I went out to dinner with some new girl friends. Our conversation that night became quite intimate and over the course of dinner I learned of one friend’s struggle with pregnancy depression. She shared, so eloquently, her struggle and journey to get support during her recent pregnancy. For the first time I found someone who I could open up to about my own experience with pregnancy depression. While I had spoken about it with close friends and family, this was the first time I could speak to someone who could completely relate. Her vivid accounts of her depression brought back memories of my own, and we found comfort in knowing that we weren’t alone with those struggles.

She drove me home that night and we discussed how pregnancy depression is so rarely spoken about – how it seems to be taboo – to be sad during what should be such a happy time of your life. I promised her that I would work up the courage to write about it. I’ve decided to share my personal experiences here to normalise something that, I’ve now learned, is not uncommon but is still rarely discussed.

I was 23 when I became pregnant with Easton. I was young, carefree and madly in love with Michael. I felt incredibly lucky to have found someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, to be starting a family and becoming a mother–a role that felt so natural to me having grown up with lots of younger siblings. I could not have been happier or more excited for what was to come.

And then, within weeks of becoming pregnant, I started having thoughts and feelings I had never experienced before. A wave of anxiety took hold of me, tightening its grip over my mind. For the first time in my life I could not control the thoughts that entered my head or shake the darkness out of my mind. I started thinking about death and how everyone I know will die some day. I obsessed about my grandparents and how they were getting older and how their lives would soon end. I couldn’t pass elderly people, even strangers, without feeling a tightening in my heart and tears welling up in my eyes. I thought about my own life and the new life I was creating. I thought about the generations of people who came before us and how there would be generations to come after us – the world so enormous and life so insignificant. I became so obsessed with these dark thoughts that I wasn’t able to find joy in the everyday life I was living. To add to this, I started feeling incredibly guilty – worried my thoughts would have a negative impact on my baby. I fretted that I was ruining the joy of pregnancy for both Michael and myself.

I soon started worrying about Michael, obsessing about something terrible happening to him. I cried when he left for work every day with terrible, tragic scenarios playing out in my head. I tried to speak to Michael about it but I couldn’t even begin to explain it, and he couldn’t possibly understand. I wished I could play my thoughts on a projector for him, so that he could reassure me and tell me how silly they were.

A friend once told me that depression is a bit like staring at the sun. You know it’s not good for you. You know it will burn your eyes. But you can’t look away. The anxiety I experienced during pregnancy was exactly like this – I had thoughts running through my head that made me incredibly sad and worried, and yet I couldn’t turn away from them.

I remember towards the end of pregnancy, I was sitting with Michael on a train up to Edinburgh. We were headed to Scotland for a fun work retreat with Michael’s colleagues. I was 35 weeks pregnant, so close to meeting our baby. I sat on the train, staring out at the English countryside quickly passing us by… and I started to panic. What was wrong with me? Why was I feeling this way? What if these feelings never went away? Or even worse, what if they got worse once the baby is born? I was aware of postpartum depression and worried that I might be affected by it. How could I be a decent mother if I was so sad and so emotionally unstable? Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stared out of that train, trying my hardest to pull myself together – trying to focus on something else, to think happy thoughts, to stop staring at the sun!

Five weeks later Easton was born on a sunny June day, right on time. After a long labour he arrived quickly and beautifully, and his perfect tiny body was placed on my chest. Instantly, almost unbelievably, as if my mind had been simultaneously purged of its negative thoughts as I pushed my baby out, my mind returned to normal. Thoughts, both happy and sad, would come and go in the same normal, healthy way they did before I became pregnant. I felt joy like I’ve never felt in my life and, of course, immense relief to have control over my thoughts again. It is a testament to the power of hormones that a switch inside your mind can be triggered on with pregnancy and immediately switched off at pregnancy’s end.

When I was pregnant with Easton I did not know that depression or anxiety could take place during pregnancy. I had heard about postpartum depression, but nobody had ever spoken about antenatal depression. I didn’t even think to look it up at the time. I just thought there was something wrong with me. And being a young, expectant mother in a new city, I didn’t have many friends to share my feelings with.

I experienced anxiety again when I became pregnant with Quin, but while I was affected with dark thoughts and feelings similar to those in my first pregnancy, I thankfully had the perspective and experience to assure myself that they were transient– that it would all go away when my baby was born. This basic understanding helped me to manage my depression during those nine months and again with Quin’s birth, my mind and emotional state returned to normal as soon as he was born. Again, I was awed by the power of hormones and gained a deeper understanding and sympathy for those who suffer from postpartum depression or depression of any kind.

One week after speaking with my friend about her antenatal depression, I had a conversation with another friend who said her sister had also suffered severe depression during her pregnancy. It seemed the more I mentioned it, the more common I found it to be. I hope this post will start a conversation about a topic seldom discussed. Please share your thoughts and tell us if you’ve ever experienced depression before, during or after pregnancy and what helped you through this difficult time. As with so many aspects of the parenting journey, it is invaluable to learn from the experiences of other mothers and support each other along the way.

Courtney x

 

The image above was found on Pinterest, from an article here


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Comments (29)

Esther in Amsterdam
May 26, 2016

Sounds very familiar, I had anxious, sometimes even dark, destructive thoughts through all of my pregnancies… Even after birth, during breastfeeding, I sometimes felt that way (even though less so). It is good to know that these feelings are quite normal and lots of women suffer them. But it’s also good to recognise them, and talk about them! I remember when you and I were pregnant together we were talking about it a lot and it was so nice to know we were in the same boat! x


Eva
May 26, 2016

Thanks for sharing! It opened my eyes! I knew I has post partum depression with my second child. What I could not understand is why I was feeling blue many months before his birth. I put it on the account of tiredness as I had to care for a baby, or on the British weather (rained all summer) or that I was away from family and had no help in sight. Now I know that probably it was antenatal depression. Sadly in my case it dragged for a few months after the birth and only a work on my self and starting (more inventing) a job help me et out of it. Thanks for sharing, Courtney!


Emily Metcalfe
May 26, 2016

I am currently still pregnant with my second child, and have 10 weeks left. I can safely say, this baby was wanted!! It’s all I ever dreamed of, a sibling for my daughter and to feel our family growing and experience all the joys another baby would bring. Everyone around me knew I longed for it. Yet, very quickly I negative feelings. I couldn’t get excited about the baby, I even would resent it and say it’s not wanted (how terrible for my husband to hear). I would cry about it all and think what have I done, it didn’t quite seem real. I think the hormones went into complete overdrive. After 12 weeks we told people and they would say are you exited and I’m sure that my face couldn’t lie. Thankfully, something flipped around 4/5 months and all that just slipped away. As I could feel the baby and general well being came back after all the sickness, I then became so much happier. To have had a portion of that let alone through my whole pregnancy was enough. I sympathise with any woman who suffers like this, and I love that we can support one another! Thankyou for sharing this! Xx


Annie
May 26, 2016

I’m so glad to read something about prenatal depression. This is my third pregnancy and the first time I’ve suffered from it. My thoughts have been very dark, I’ve lost interest in work. Like you did, I obsess over accidents that might happen to my whole family, totally consumed by them. Every time my husband cycles off, I think he’s going to be in an accident! (This is not me usually, I’m very carefree – perhaps careless?!?! – in usual life!)… I’m worried it will continue after my baby is born.

I’m so unused to depression, but I can recognise that it’s happening and have been researching it a lot. I can’t tell my midwife though. She’s the same one I saw last time and she’s so lovely… I don’t want to spoil her illusion that we’re a lovely, happy family. Isn’t that mad? I mean, I know it is. But still, I can’t talk to her about it.

So I am now looking for private CBT. I’ve read that it can work. I really want to fight this before the baby comes. I am also trying lots of things like keeping a diary, writing things I’m grateful for (which sounds so cheesy, but it does help), doing exercise, and so on.

Thank you for talking about it – no one ever does. I’m just as guilty, I have only told my husband and no one else. I wonder why we don’t share this more?


Kate
May 26, 2016

It’s fascinating to me that you only mentioned having depression/anxiety when you were pregnant with your boys. Did you experience it with your girls? For me, I felt wonderful when I was pregnant with my daughter, but incredibly anxious and somewhat depressed during my pregnancy with my son. I’ve never met anyone else who had that experience. Thanks so much for sharing.


Courtney in London
May 29, 2016

Kate,
It’s fascinating that you ask this! I also was starting to wonder if there was a correlation between boy babies and depression. The few friends I spoke to about their depression whilst I was in Australia all mentioned being affected when pregnant with boys (and not with girls).
While I did suffer from occasional anxiety when I was pregnant with Ivy and Marlow, it was nowhere near as deep and dark as the depression I suffered when I was pregnant with my boys. I have no clue if there has ever been a study about this, but it does seem coincidental that you’ve asked!


MelTown
May 31, 2016

I had it with my girl and not my boy, but my girl is older so I’ve always wondered if its a condition that lessens with each pregnancy.


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Rebecca
May 26, 2016

Thank you so much for sharing your experience it’s comforting to read others who have gone through such horrid times with depression. I had post natal after both my babies, I would cry and and think about what would happen if anything awful happened to them. It was difficult to explain to friends who had never experienced what I was going through even though they tried really hard. I still can’t look back at photos of my beautiful babies without the anxious feeling rising up again but I take comfort in the fact that I have two beautiful children and take each day as it comes. Enjoying the moment. Thank you once again for your honest hearted expressions. Hope you have arrived home safely back in London and had the most amazing unforgettable time. X


Katy
May 26, 2016

I have only met a few women who truly enjoyed their pregnancy so I think this may be much more common than we imagine. My own experience was also riddled with anxiety and scary thoughts. I fell pregnant with twins after two miscarriages and lived in fear of losing them. I don’t think a few hours went past when I didn’t think about it and looking back it does not seem particularly healthy to have been this way. I would become particularly anxious prior to an ultrasound. These happened more than usual due to some health concerns so I felt like I was on a perpetual emotional rollercoaster. Recently we had one of my dearest friends who is pregnant stay with us for a few weeks. On the day she flew back to Australia she confided that she was terrified of losing her baby. All I could do was hug her and tell her that I had an idea of how she felt. And that she was not alone. Thanks so much for shedding some light on what can be a very difficult time for many women, especially when the expectation is that you are happy and glowing.


Loreto
May 26, 2016

Hi! I had 3 pregnancies. The first one was horrible. I was huge happy and at the same time so sad. I cried almost every day. I was living far away from my family, in another country. My husband and I were very young and he had to travel a lot. I felt so lonely. I didn’t find a good doctor and even I was very open saying: I feel depressed, please help me. They couldn’t give me an emotional support. They recommended me to do accupunture. I did it, and it didn’t help anything. I just felt worst, because I was desesperated for feeling well, and trying to do all my best, but I couldn’t. I felt so misunderstood. Nobody could comfort my sadness. And I also felt that I was a burden for my husband…. It was like a vicious cycle. I thought it was my situation: without family, close friends (they couldn’t understand what went wrong with me), in other country, trying to be understood in other language, and then all the questions regarding the future of my baby. etc…
Now I’m on my third pregnancy, living exactly the opposite situation: I am in my country, with my mother (and she had 5 children, so she can perfectly emotional understand me), having a great job, 2 healthy lovely daughters, a great social support, the perfect doctor and hospital… But I cry every single day. I feel sad, and I don’t have a concrete reason. The tears just come up without willing. And now, that I read you, I feel relieve that it happens to other pregnant women too. And you are right, Courtney. Nobody tells you about feeling sad on your pregnancy. And you have to do like everything were fantastic. I think, today is more difficult, as we (women) have more responsibilities and also more demands: we have to be the “perfect” woman, mother, wife, worker and also pregnant woman…. :-/
So, now, I probably will keep crying every day, because is something I can’t control 😉 … But from now, I’ll think of you and this letter and never feel guilty again! 😉 this is great! Thank you very much for this and for all other experiences shared! (Sorry if my English is not correct).


CJ
May 26, 2016

Thanks for sharing! I had prepartum depression with my first but I chalked it up to the unfortunate timing of my pregnancy. My mom was in very poor health and passed halfway through my pregnancy. I’m currently pregnant with my second and I was surprised when the familiar anxiety and depression hit – actually more severely than with my first. These hormones are unbelievably powerful and it’s hard to remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’m really glad you are bringing this issue up. We hear about postpartum frequently but very rarely is prepartum depression discussed.


MelTown
May 26, 2016

I had terrible depression during my first pregnancy. I was 28, happily married, financially stable and theoretically in a good place to have a baby…except I didn’t want to and she was unexpected. I was just gearing up to go to medical school, and I was devastated to see that dream die. I don’t know how much of my depression was circumstance and how much was chemical, but those months were some of the darkest of my entire life. I had thoughts similar to yours; I used to wonder what the point was of giving birth to something that would eventually die (something I can barely say outloud now!). I didn’t feel connected to my baby at all, and no one understood. Most people brushed off my feelings, or didn’t fully grasp the seriousness of it. My best friend was the type of woman who has dreamed of being a mother her entire life, and she thought I was a monster. Once, a stranger on the street told me to smile because I was pregnant and I should be happy. I went back to my office and cried. That baby was two weeks late, and I was so glad every day that she hadn’t come yet. When we got to the hospital for the induction, I wouldn’t get on the bed because I knew once I did there was no turning back. I had a terrible labor, in which she almost died and then an emergency c-section in the middle of the night. They took her away from me for hours. After recovery when they were taking me to my room they wheeled me past the nursery. I watched through the window as she cried and sucked her fist and I could tell she was hungry and it was like someone flipped the mom switch in my brain. I called the nursery and demanded they bring me my baby, which they finally did amid protest from the nurses (she was fine, just cold, which I knew my own body could fix better than their incubators). I’ve been madly in love with her ever since. As dark as that depression was, I’m glad that if I had to experience it at all it was before her birth and not after. If my pregnancy was the darkest time of my life, her newborn days were the brightest.


Nora
May 26, 2016

I think I had some anxiety during my pregnancy with my son, though not as serious as yours and I was happy at times. The difficult episode for me was post partum. I was manic, I was depressed, I was everywhere and nowhere. People kept telling me that it was hormonal, that it’s a matter of weeks until everything settles down, but it went on for months. The worst part was the guilt, and it still is. I remember long nights of being mad at the baby, and mad at my partner, and mad at the world, and I felt like a terrible person.
It all went away when I stopped breastfeeding when he was 5 months old. So maybe it was hormonal, but similarly to the pregnancy depression, a different kind of hormonal.
Thank you for sharing.


Liz
May 26, 2016

I’m currently pregnant with my third and experiencing some depression. Mine is a little different from the anxiety you talk about. Rather, I don’t feel well physically and feel sk discouraged by the prospect of the long months ahead of me. I so miss my old energy levels and do not like being less active (since I don’t feel well). Hang in there mamas.


Emily
May 26, 2016

I was hyper aware of ppd because my mother suffered with it horribly. I was determined to be vigilant after giving birth to avoid it. I never considered antenatal depression/anxiety, which in hindsight I clearly suffered from. I was happily married and financially secure but my first pregnancy was a surprise. I found out a week before we were to travel internationally for a dear friend’s wedding. I was sick the entire holiday (which we had been greatly looking forward to – I’ll never forget throwing up in a gutter outside the fashion museum in Bath). I had complications during the trip and, after learning baby was stable (trip to hospital where I didn’t speak the language), immediately flew back home. The rest of my pregnancy, though physically normal, was plagued by crippling anxiety, agoraphobia, and a general sense of apathy towards the world around me. My baby shower felt like physical torture (I realize that sounds dramatic, but it’s absolutely true). Of course, there was also intense guilt for feeling this way and not being the perfect, glowing pregnant woman society expects. By the end I was holed up at home refusing to see anyone but my husband, sister, and one or two very close friends. I had a perfect, easy labor and delivery, and as mentioned above, the second my sweet daughter was born I felt a switch flip in my head. I was me again, and it was such a massive relief. We are hoping to add to our family soon, and I have already discussed with my doctor ways to prevent and/or ease those negative feelings as I’d very much like to enjoy a pregnancy a bit.


Emilie
May 26, 2016

Funnily enough, I was one of Michael’s work colleagues, remember? I had just found out that I was pregnant myself and I remember seeing you and really feeling for you and what was going on. I was trying to get my head around hormones and what their influences were on us – whether we like it or not. It actually was quite an intense time, right?


Annie from Brimful
May 27, 2016

C – thanks for sharing….I hope it was deeply cathartic for you! You know my story with PPD – it was the hardest time in my life so far. I remember numbly sitting across from the special PPD therapist that my doctor had so kindly matched me with. She said to me – I see the tears behind your eyes. I see the tears you aren’t able to cry. I see the dark sticky shroud of depression and anxiety that you aren’t able to shake off. I see you….this is the worst it will get…we are going to get you better.

For women reading this and needing help, here are a few resources:

Your OB/midwife can help with support groups, medication, therapy, and suggest proper coping mechanisms.

If you aren’t ready to tell your doctor, tell a family member/friend or visit a website like this to get more insight into what you’re struggling:

http://postpartumprogress.org
http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-health/depression-during-pregnancy/

I’ve had the privilege of helping a few women through their PPD journeys – sitting and crying with them, relating to their feelings of utter darkness, and also rejoicing in their eventual recovery. We must lean on each other…and its posts like this that personalize the struggle and could really help save a life. I love you for digging deep and sharing this C! ❤️


Liz
May 27, 2016

I was definitely depressed when I had my first baby (I know have three) I was 23 at the time. We had been trying for a few months to get pregnant and then I decided that I didn’t want to get pregnant at that time. I wasn’t in the right mind set and I wasn’t happy and I wanted to be more happy. My parents were just starting to get a divorce and there was a lot of drama, so I think that was a major contributor to me not wanting to get pregnant. I believe my decision to not get pregnant and my parents divorce both contributed to my depression. About a week after I decided we would stop trying I found out I was pregnant. My husband is 7 years older and was ready to be a dad and was so excited. However, I was really sad and not excited. I felt horrible for not being happy. And it wasn’t until maybe 5 months along that I started to be OK with it. But my biggest fear was that I wouldn’t love her. People thought I was silly, but it was a really big concern to me. I was always sad and my husband would come home to me just crying on the couch. And he didn’t know if he should ignore me, hug me, ask if I was OK. He was so supportive when I was such a mess. When I finally gave birth to my daughter a friend visiting the hospital asked if I was doing well and if I was happy. And replied, “I am so happy! Why wouldn’t I be!” It definitely was a switch that flipped and I’m so happy it did. Although I probably seemed crazy to my husband, family and friends- going from one extreme to the other.


Anna
May 27, 2016

I experienced depression and anxiety with both of my pregnancies. I remember I would just weep during the first trimester. My daughter would come and comfort me and I told her “Mommy just feels sad. Sometimes people feel sad. Everything is alright.” And she would hug me and tell me she loved me. I will never forget that. I just have to say, Courtney, that the only thing that got me through was Jesus. As I was reading this post from you. I felt God’s heart for you and your family- The love He has for you. For a while now, I have felt a tugging on my heart to pray for you and your family. I don’t know why. But I just want to tell you that God loves you all and he delights over you. He has blessed you with incredibly wisdom and gifts. I’m not sure what your beliefs are but The Lord has people all over the world praying for you. I know, because I’m one of them.


Lisa
May 28, 2016

Thank you for sharing this. I had dark miserable thoughts throughout all my pregnancies but they were more about worrying about the baby inside, how could I have a perfectly healthy baby, how dare I assume I would have another, and another , and another…. And another. I would read stories (I
Would search for these!!!! Exactly like your sun comment) stories about stillborn babies, Down’s syndrome, trisomy X etc: I would
Convince myself I could die in childbirth and who would take care of my children? With each birth these tear filled nights of hopelessness and insignificance and
Lack of
Control disappeared. But they returned each pregnancy with better perspective each time. I appreciate this post so much . I
Would and still
Do however feel alone and worried about my children and my ability to give them the best chance at life. I try so hard to push these thoughts away. Thank you Courtney xxx


Anna
May 29, 2016

Thank you so much for posting this and for all of the previous comments. I had crippling antenatal anxiety and depression last fall. Only mine did not end in a baby – I miscarried at the end of my first trimester. I felt as though something was truly wrong with me and it took some serious therapy and the help of a wonderful friend (who also happens to be a therapist) to stop feeling as though I had caused the miscarriage. We are finally trying again (in staring down the barrel of my late 30s), but I am totally scared of it happening again. I have only started to feel as though I can even talk about it. I also have a preschooler and didn’t have antenatal depression or anxiety during that pregnancy (or PPD after). My therapist recently told me that past experience doesn’t predict the future and that every cocktail of hormones is different. I am holding on to that.


Olga
June 1, 2016

Thank you for sharing this, Courtney.

I’ve also felt this way throughout my pregnancies (both girls, by the way). My first pregnancy was awful in the sense that I was carrying a healthy baby and I didn’t understand why I felt so miserable. I had panic attacks and I couldn’t get out of bed for days. I was living in New York at that moment, and, luckily, my OB told me this was normal and she referred me to a wonderful psychiatrist who specializes in women’s reproductive health and who helped me get through those hard months with more natural remedies (therapy, meditation, vitamins, exercise…) The moment my baby girl was born, all the dark thoughts and the sadness disappeared. I think breastfeeding helped, and now my daughter (almost 3) and I have such a special bond.

Now I’m on the last two months of my second pregnancy and I’m feeling miserable again. And even though I know it’s common and normal, and I have hopes that it’ll all go away once my baby is here. I can’t help the sadness and the anxiety. And caring for a rebellious toddler who’s acting out with the worst possible tantrums while caring for myself is not easy. Also, I’m living in Mexico City now, and it’s been difficult to find support here (the first OB I saw had no idea that antenatal depression existed! – I obviously fired her). Hopefully, it’ll all be over soon.

Thanks again, for sharing your story, Courtney (and all the commenters who also shared theirs). The more we talk about this, the easier it’ll be to get through this.

X


Desta
June 4, 2016

Thank you for writting about this. Im currently 32 weeks ( 3rd pregnancy ) and suffering from prenatal depression. Feeling sad for no reason ( great hubby , healthy kids , life is good, healthy pregnancy ) crying out of nowhere, anxiety, just overall low mood, feeling numb about everything, not feeling anything for the baby inside me. Ims so scared of these dark negative feelings coz i never had depression before. But reading this blog and the comments of all you lovely ladies really helped encourage me to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Im really scared that this is my new life. Gloomy, depressed. But once again thank you for sharing how powerful hormones during pregnancy are and prenatal depression does NOT necessarily mean PPD. So happy to hear that most got well and is back to normal. Thank you for the HOPE.
5 more weeks to go and praying i will automatically bond and feel the love with this baby girl.


December 24, 2016

[…] Depression During Pregnancy — I loved reading everyone’s honest comments about their own experiences with depression or anxiety. I feel like these types of discussions are so healthy for mothers and am proud that we can initiate them here on our blog. […]


Tegan
December 29, 2016

thank you for sharing your story, and for putting so beautifully into words what many of us have also struggled with.
I suffered depression through both my pregnancys, and it can be a really lonely struggle. I felt immense amounts of guilt for feeling so awful when I all I had ever wanted was to have a baby: the beautiful, glowing, vibrant pregnant woman that I had imagined was far from the sad, sick, anxious, crying woman that I was. With my first baby, I didn’t quite realize what it was, I thought that maybe I just felt down because I was feeling so unwell, but even after the servers morning sickness passed I still felt an overwhelming sadness, I worried so much about what would happen after I had the baby and was scared I had set myself up to have postnatal depression, but just like you it ended the instant I gave birth, such a relief! My husband even said that it was as though something washed over me and suddenly I was back! Life with a new baby was great and no matter how tired or overwhelming it can be at times I was so grateful to just feel normal again! I then fell pregnant with my second baby when my first was only 3 months old, all of a sudden I woke up and that awful feeling was back, my doctor tried to say it was postnatal depression but I knew that it wasn’t, I was so happy until those hormones kicked back in again. The pregnancy, was a huge struggle, the depression was worse than my first and I cried daily, I felt anxious and worried about everything and at times even begged my husband to let us terminate the baby, the real me would never have even considered this, I had always wanted to be a mum and have lots of babies. Thankfully I didn’t and once again the second he was born I instantly felt better.
They were both such lonely times and made even more so by feeling that I was the only one who felt like this, it’s time we start talking more as it seems that it’s way more common than anyone realized! I would love to have more children one day but am truthfully so scared to go back to that feeling. I would love to know how your feeling with this pregnancy Courtney? I hope that your finding t much kinder?
Also does any one think there is a correlation with bad morning sickness? I was seriously ill with both and have always wondered if that was a contributing factor too?
by the way, both babies were boys 🙂
X


Courtney in Australia
December 30, 2016

Hi Tegan,

Thank you for sharing so beautifully and honestly about your experience with depression during pregnancy. It sounds very similar to the way I felt in my first two pregnancies (also boys). I also suffered bad morning sickness in all five of my pregnancies during the first trimester, but I only truly suffered the depression during my first two pregnancies, which makes me doubt whether there is a direct correlation. I’m sure it’s different for everyone and I’m sure that circumstances play a large part too.
Thank you for asking how I’m feeling in this pregnancy. Thankfully I haven’t suffered any of the emotional anxieties or depression I’ve previously experienced. I feel so thankful for this. Physically, however, my body feels the aches and pains and exhaustion of this being my fifth baby and me not being the spring chicken I once was! 🙂 Oy! If you would like to have more babies, I wouldn’t let the worry of the potential depression stop you from doing so. You might not experience it with your next. x


Rosie
May 20, 2018

Wow. I can’t believe I’m reading this as I was less than ten minutes ago googling ‘low mood late pregnancy’! Then I thought I’d check my Instagram home page before bed and saw this. I feel so much better already! I am currently 34 weeks pregnant with my third and can’t believe how low I’ve felt the past few weeks. I’m irritable, tired and impatient at home which makes me feel awful and guilty and just want to cry all the time which is impossible with a five and a four year old to look after. I feel like every time I finish their bedtime stories I am just desperate to lie down (exhausted) and succumb to this awful misery! Luckily a practical little voice inside keeps telling me this is hormones and will undoubtedly pass but I really hope it does.
I think being honest I must be subconsciously very stressed about the upcoming delivery – after two midwife led homebirths I must this time be in a hospital with a neonatal team present due to baby having a minor heart anomaly. I have no idea what to expect of the birth experience and anxious as to what we might be dealing with, if anything, when the babe arrives. But anyway thank you for such honesty and for making me feel a whole lot better this evening. X


Alessandra
May 21, 2018

Hello! I’m happy that someone shares this problem! I was depressed in all three of my pregnancies, especially the first three months, when I also felt physically ill because of the severe nausea, but also in the following months.
My mind had terrible thoughts that something would happen to the child or to me, something would ruin that immense joy ….
As soon as my children were born everything vanished, as if those thoughts had disappeared in a moment.
It was hard, my husband listened to me a lot, but it’s hard to understand … I read some books on pregnancy that helped me to be more rational and calm, but in any case my anxiety did not abandon me.
It’s nice to know that she was not the only one to live those feelings!
Thank you Courtney for sharing your experience!


Elisabeth
September 26, 2018

Thank you for sharing this personal experience and for using your voice to speak about a topic which is somewhat taboo. I think it’s very powerful coming from you, because you so kindly share your family life on social media through beautiful pictures, and it’s reassuring to be reminded that all our lives have nuances and ups and downs. Xx


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