Before we moved to a new house a few weeks ago, we used to live in an apartment building. Parking in the basement, large elevator, and the rooms conveniently laid-out on one single level. Disadvantage: no garden. Advantage: no stairs.
Last week I came home from work and found my 4-year-old daughter sitting on the sofa with a package of frozen red cabbage wrapped in a tea towel, pressed to her forehead. A bump the size of an egg was slowly developing. You guessed it, she fell from the stairs (or, as she stated, her little brother pushed her, but I’m not sure how much of a truth there is in that). Poor girl.
Now I’m not against red cabbage, (we prepare it with a little sugar and apples — truly delicious with good sausage or game), but don’t you think this cute little elephant from Goodies of Desire would do a much better job at soothing a little (or bigger) owie? I do, and thus, from now on, I keep one in the freezer compartment of my fridge for cases of emergencies. Good to have around.
The friendly elephant is filled with cherry pits and the label says that in addition to the usual bumps and bruises it can also be useful for ‘Kopfenschmerzen & Kater’ (headache & hang-over) or ‘Milchstau’ (engorgement). VERY good to have around.
If you find it a pity however to hide the friendly fellow in the freezer, you may also warm it in a medium warm oven to treat colds or to use it for relaxation. Or, thanks to its cotton elephant skin and natural cherry pit filling, you can safely give it to a baby as a cuddling toy/rattle.
What a multi-purpose little fellow… And, to make it even better — it’s machine washable.
This year I am getting organized!And this year, unlike the last few years, I am really serious. I totally triple swear.
While I have never been a “Type A” person and have always led a life of total chaos behind the scenes, I have finally hit a breaking point. My girls are turning four next month and I have yet to put together a single photo album or memory book.I have everything from sonogram pictures to photos of their 3rd birthday party in the same box stashed in my closet.I have amassed piles of all of the cute clothing that they outgrew because I simply can’t let go of the memories. And that is just their stuff — let’s not even begin to talk about mine.
The other day I stumbled upon the book One Year to an Organized Life which seemed heaven sent. I have tried to organize in vain before but it seems that the piles always get bigger and the work is never done.The more I try — the worse it becomes. I always wind up feeling defeated and run out of steam. I did have someone help me with my closet last year but that was just a starting point.In a perfect world I would just love to always put my keys in the same place, have a streamlined file cabinet, and stop constantly looking for my cell phone in my bag… but most importantly, I want to have the memories of my girls growing put in order.
What I love about this book is that it is not a quick fix and actually has you doing projects over the course of a YEAR! It also asks a lot of emotional questions as to what you really need and why you hold on to things. At times the writing can be maddeningly corny but it’s working wonders for me so far.I have purged myself of a ton of stuff and have started to get a system in place and it feels really good. Everything is starting to have a place. Even better, I also like the fact that I am setting a good example for my girls to streamline and live simply — at least that’s the goal.
On New Years Eve, during a major snowstorm, one of my daughters became violently ill.The timing, of course, could not have been worse and after a call to the doctor we were put at ease, told to stay in, to push fluids and to ride it out. “There’s a stomach bug going around and it will pass” — we were told. But “stomach bug” I knew this was not. This thing, whatever she had, was far more sinister. A day later and two separate trips to the emergency room we wound up in the hospital for seven days of pure agony. Not only were we quarantined in a room that we were not allowed to leave but my potty-trained daughter was back in diapers –- going to the bathroom up to 30 times a day and screaming every time (sorry tmi). The poor thing was finally diagnosed with Salmonella (it takes 3 days to show up in a blood culture), and even rarer, it had spread to her bloodstream.Where she got it – I still don’t know.Salmonella is one of those things that you can get from food, playing with a turtle, anywhere really – nobody knows. And when a kid gets it, especially if it gets into the blood, it is nothing short of terrifying.
After my own bouts with food poisoning in the past (I have been hospitalized twice for food contaminated illnesses from work, once with Salmonella from a CANTALOUPE!), I have been fearful of food and have become very particular about what I eat and what I feed my children.But you can’t be vigilant 100% of the time, and sadly, there is really no control over the situation.The food supply in the US is worrisome to say the least and unless you are shopping at local farmers markets or paying top dollar at Whole Foods you really have no idea where your food is coming from.
So where am I going with this? I guess after seeing my daughter go through such an excruciating situation I am on mega high alert which reminded me of two books that are worth reading. Two excellent books about the state of the food supply in the US are The Omnivores Delimma and In Defense of Food. I was lucky to have grown up with a mother who was a hippie so I was quite aware of what was healthy to eat, but these two books were eye opening to say the least.
And last week I finally watched the documentary, Food Inc. If you have not seen it – watch it now! Oprah just did a special on it. Buy it or rent it or get it on demand.It will blow your mind, make you sick and might even make you a vegan overnight.I hate to bring this up and scare people but I am worried and I don’t even know what to eat anymore — if you have ideas, please send them my way. I am pretty confident this is a US related issue but not sure. I just get the feeling that in Europe there are more markets and access to fresh food. Please let me know. I am just curious.
So someone dared one of my husband’s very conservative and straight-laced co-workers to grow a shaggy 1970’s style moustashe last month. I guess everyone chipped in $10 and pretty soon the guy was going to make a small killing — so he did it. Anyway, after a month or so the moustache was in full force and he looked, as predicted, ridiculous. So after the jokes were told ad nauseum the poor guy got his loot and was free to shave it off. As a parting gift, they took a picture and printed out his face on an M&M and gave tiny tin boxes to the entire staff. I thought it was a cool idea! Who knew you could print an image on that tiny thing? While I don’t advocate the eating of junky candy per se, I do like silly ideas. We just ordered a bunch with a picture of the girls to give out at their birthday party next month.
Does this scenario ring any bells with you? You want to treat your kids to a delicious meal and so you slave over the stove to make sure the meal has the right nutritional value and is above all, tasty! Then you hear the famous words: “I don’t like it!!!!” Sometimes followed by the even more inane question: “Can I have a bonbon instead?”
I do sometimes wonder why I bother peeling potatoes and carrots, trimming beans, deciding what shape they should be cut in, asking myself if they would be better steamed or roasted or even just boiled. I think the phrase “Don’t like it” is one of the most disheartening things for a parent to hear.
By the way, the same goes for clothes: you spend hours thinking about what you should buy for you little one, what would suit them and what they would be comfortable in… only to be told: “Don’t like it”!!!
My mother always remembered that one winter she decided to only buy me trousers because I did not like tights… only to be told one morning: “I don’t like trousers”. She insisted and had a battle on her hands every morning getting me dressed.
I do know that this is all about kids establishing their independence and a degree of “Don’t like it” is unavoidable. I do sometimes wish that evolution would have left out the independence gene in small kids, ideally replacing it with an appreciation gene…
I know it, you know it, kids can be hysterical. Sometimes they say things that make us laugh out loud, roll over the floor, wipe away our tears and then frantically reach for a pen and paper (or an Iphone, or computer, or whatever we have handy to make a note), as to not lose the thought and to make sure the quote will be treasured forever and ever and ever.
Well, as for me, I keep losing the strips of paper, and my email drafts and my Iphone are so overloaded with notes (and quotes) that I’d rather never look at it again. And, well, I’m just not so very organized I suppose.
Until I found out about My Quotable Kid — A Parents’ Journal of Unforgettable Quotes. It has very easy-to-use, cute pages where you can fill in the who/where/when and what, as to never forget the quote, and more importantly, to keep them all safely together in one place. I started my book this week and I’m very excited about it.
A great gift for girlfriends with children I think! Available through Amazon (UKor US).
I have wanted to write a post on this for a while now as it is a topic that I unfortunately hear about way too often. Infertility is an issue that I have dealt with personally and continue to think about every single day of my life. To be honest, I don’t even know where to begin as there is just so much to talk about and I am sure you will hear a lot more from me on this. I thought I would just start with talking about some of the things that helped me get through the endurance contest of it all.
I kind of relate the whole experience to having, say, a panic attack or getting hit by a car… unless you have been there, it is hard to really tap into the emotional and physical toil of it all. Statistics say that 10% of the population is affected but to me, and it’s perhaps just the age demographic that I am in, the numbers seem even higher. Without going into too much of the background detail “infertility” is diagnosed as a “failure to conceive naturally within a year.” Some of the main reasons as to why so many women are affected are attributed to factors such as 1) age – women are putting off childbearing until later in life resulting in poorer egg quality, 2) a medical problem such as endometriosis or a male factor problem) or 3) it is simply “unexplained”.
For most women who have been down this road, it’s like getting the wind completely knocked out of you — it turns your entire world upside down. In a time where women are used to achieving so much in school, their careers., etc; being faced with something as devastating as not being able to start a much longed for family really hits to the core. To add insult to injury, there is also a shame that comes when it doesn’t happen “naturally” or when one can’t carry a pregnancy to term that women feel inadequate and very alone – like their bodies have failed them.
Along my journey as an “unexplained” case, I felt like I had to take my health and emotional well-being into my own hands. Even living in New York where I have access to the top doctors, the experience is still one that is very isolating and takes work. After several miscarriages I was sent to the ole “fertility clinic” for tests, tests and more tests. I was poked, prodded and felt like a complete and total lab rat. I sat in waiting rooms filled with women just like me, month after month. I was always sent away with a band-aid on my arm and told I was just having “bad luck” and to “keep trying.”
I sought out the medical community, nutrition experts and the advice of Easter Healers. I did acupuncture and read book after book to keep me on track. I learned so much about myself during this time and it gave me inspiration to push ahead. In the end, I was indeed one of the lucky ones and wound up with healthy twin girls after it was discovered, by a new doctor, that I had a progesterone deficiency.
The road to pregnancy can be an endurance contest. For some it is easy, for others, not so much, but in the end I think that the journey to motherhood is was really bonds women together. What I found is that when I opened my mouth to talk about what I was going through how the flood gates opened with other people who have experienced the same thing and it made me feel less alone.
Here are some of books that really helped keep me strong through it all and gave me the confidence to keep going. I have passed these books along to many friends who found them comforting in what I would consider the most stressful time in a woman’s life.
My first two babies were born in London. Even though I had both of them through the National Health Service system, I went to the Fetal Medicine Centre (FMC), a private clinic on Harley Street in London, for the 11-13 week scans. Reason is, the founder of the FMC is Professor Kypros Nicolaides, the world’s authority on fetal medicine and the person who discovered the relationship between Down Sydrome and the measurement of the nuchal translucency!
Since I was exactly 12 weeks pregnant when we met with the girls in London a few weeks ago, I decided that this little baby also had to receive the test of all tests at the place of all places. And it was fabulous to see that little person happily moving around inside of me!
Everything looked absolutely perfect at the scan, BUT (and here’s the but!) I was told that the nasal bone of this little 12-week-old creature was on the small side. Not non-existent, but small. And, I was told, a non-existent, or very small nasal bone is one of the soft markers for Down syndrome. However, since the rest of the rest of the test was good, and the results of the blood test were fine, the overall chance of a chromosomal disorder was still considered small.
For my first two babies the test results were excellent. Of course, we’re still talking percentages, so it doesn’t give any real security, but the chance of something being wrong was so absolutely marginal, there was no need to worry. For this baby, the results are still very good, but there was a but. And the but made me worry.
At 15 weeks, I asked for an extensive scan here in Amsterdam, to look for any symptons of a chromosomal disorder, as far as detectable at this stage of the pregnancy. The doctor found nothing. She measured the nasal bone, and however on the small side, it was within the normal range.
At 15 weeks you can choose to have amniocentesis. The chance of miscarrying after an amnio is somewhere between 1 in 100 and 1 in 300. The chance that my baby has a disorder is 1 in 700, as they told me after the test in the FMC in London. I’m 36 years old. I decided not to have an amnio.
Did you have a decision to make? Did you have an amnio??
xxx Esther
P.S. Picture of my scan in Amsterdam. Baby is beautiful, isn’t he/she??
So I went to see “New Moon” this weekend. I have been looking forward to it for months! And yes, I was one of the older people in the theater. And yes, I think Robert Patterson is hotter than hell! But in the final analysis I did not think the movie was as good as “Twilight”, a movie which reminded me that 1) vampires are actually much cooler and better dressed then I expected and 2) I needed to plan more “date nights.”
I really don’t like the term “date night.” I feel like there is so much pressure — like we are supposed to easily switch off our day-to-day roles and somehow slip back to the carefree days of our old selves…. days, say, when my husband did not openly pick his nose in front of me…. days when I could drink a bottle of wine and not be completely incapacitated the next day.
People talk about it a lot here but rarely stick to it and I totally get it. It’s just so hard to feel romantic and energized when you have young kids pulling at you all day long and what’s worse, a dinner out at a restaurant really just does not cut it.
But it is so important to do! To feel connected to your significant other as well as reclaim the side of yourself that exists outside of your daily role.
That being said, I decided to do a little internet search to find what cyberspace suggested to do on a “Date” and I nearly had an aneurysm at the thought of some of these suggestions. Surely they can’t be serious? Granted it’s from RedBook mag but COME ON!!!!
So when I was finished feeling VERY creeped out out over the RedBook list I tried to think of date ideas in NYC that would be transporting and memorable. Since I can’t ride in a hot air balloon over NYC without getting shot down by the military and I certainly can’t ask the pizza guy to cut a pie into the shape of a heart without being laughed out of town I thought that it’s best to look for ideas that put you in a new environment.
I was on the phone to Courtney the other day and she was talking about getting packed lunches ready for her sons to take to school. I almost fell off my chair!
Here in France (or at least at my kids’ state-run schools) there is no way a sandwich is ever going to be introduced onto the school premises.
It seems like one of the main responsibilities that the French State has taken upon itself is to educate its masses into making every little French inhabitant a culinary expert.
My little girl has been going to the local maternelle since she was 3 years old. At lunch time she, and another 150 kids roughly her size, get taken to the cantine. They all sit down around the table and get served a 3/4 course meal. They start with a starter (salad, soup or similar), continue with a main course, then get a piece of cheese and finish off with a dessert. The weekly menu is hung outside the school for the whole neighourhood to see. And if I don’t have time to check it outside the school I can read about it on my town hall’s website!
Now, I am sure that the quality of the food is not comparable to some of the gourmet restaurants here in Paris, but my kids now know the difference between a good ripe camenbert and one that has not reached its perfect runniness. In my book, this is as important a lesson as learning her ABCs!
I also reckon it makes for very unfussy eaters. There is nothing like watching your peers eat the same food as you to make you finish your plate…
So there is a very funny, incredibly loud, stay-at-home dad at my girls’ pre-school who would not stop talking about this book! One day at morning drop-off he strode in, book in hand, and proclaimed “Got my kid to not fight me to get out of the house in the morning and it only took one conversation.” Granted, this peaked my interest to say the least, but I have found myself struggling lately with the fact that most of my requests fall on deaf ears these days.
Unconditional Parenting is a book that I had a love/hate relationship with but in the final analysis – it made a lot of sense. It takes direct aim at many of the popular parenting tactics today and clearly defends how threats, punishments, bribes and time-outs simply don’t work, and might erode a child’s self esteem. In my house we have good days and bad days but the most annoying part of the whole thing is the sound of my own voice being on repeat to get something accomplished.
The author believes that “the way kids learn to make good decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions” and that our job as parents is to empower them whenever we can.
I try to not be too controlling on most fronts but I do like to keep a schedule, especially when it comes to sleep…. but when the 108th “can I ask you a question mommy?” and “tuck me in again, mommy” comes echoing from the room when they were supposed to be asleep 45 minutes ago I start to lose it.
“It is very difficult to make a child eat a meal and it’s simply impossible to force a child to go to sleep, or stop crying, or listen, or respect us.” Phew – so it’s not just me? He even makes a strong case against the use of “praise” and to really only throw out the “good jobs” and “I am proud of you” for when it really is called for. It’s true – I too fell prey to the “good job” thing.
I found the harshness refreshing and to be honest, it made me feel more confident and less alone in my struggle. Sometimes it just helps to stop, take a breath, and really really talk to your child – try to figure out how they feel and what they need. Turn the power over to them a little bit and see what happens.
Next book this dad has been yapping about is Nurture Shock. Reading that now…will keep you posted. I like this guy’s reading list….
When I was a kid, birthday parties were thrown at home and consisted of three elements:
1) Food: Cake (and one that generally looked like this)
2) Décor: party hats, a few stray balloons, a lone streamer taped to a wall somewhere.
3) Entertainment: pin the tail on the donkey, duck-duck-goose and an overall scene that looked a little like this.
Maybe this was just the norm for the ’70s, but I certainly don’t remember going to anything like the ones my kids go to today. For some reason, children’s birthday parties have morphed these full-scale events – one more elaborate or creative then the next! The birthday scene is big business in NYC, and I am simply amazed at the amount of places that have cropped up just to throw “theme” parties. I recently found myself at a birthday party for a one-year-old who not only slept through the whole birthday party but also had a full petting zoo of tiny animals set up in their apartment. A petting zoo. In a New York apartment. Have we really gone that far?
Tides are a turning though and even though people still want to throw great parties for their kids, they also want to give back while doing so which I think is great. Now that the ceremonial “oooohh-ahhhh” of gift opening in front of the guests after eating a cheap cake is a relic of the past (sigh…), a great deal of invitations I get these days have a “no gifts” policy and ask guests to bring something else.
Here are a few creative ideas that have been going around in the hood:
•Recipe Book – Have everyone bring a favorite recipe that they eat as a family. Put together the book at the end and pick a night each week to try one of their friends’ favorite foods!
•Book Donations – Ask your guests to donate a new or gently used copy of your child’s favorite book. Donate to the childrens library at school.
•Charity – Have families donate on behalf of you child to a favorite charity. It’s so easy to set things up on-line these days and will help your child learn about the importance of giving to others.
•Song CD – have people email a favorite song that their child likes. Download from itunes and make a CD for all the kids to take home.
I’m pregnant with number three. Wow!! Call me crazy, but we’ve always wanted three children; this is 100% planned and not at all unexpected. To have a tiny new baby in my arms again — such joy! (Although sometimes I wonder what the heck I am thinking — another pregnancy, another birth, more nappies!) Our children are about as excited as we are; you should have seen our 4-year-old’s face when I broke the news. Loads of our friends have had a new (third) baby recently, so she has seen her little friends with their baby siblings, and the anticipation of having her own baby brother or sister made her beam with joy!
Lately I keep hearing the phrase ‘Three is the new two’. Must be the proof I’m a trend-follower instead of a trend-setter! The stats are proving it: since the late nineties more and more parents decide to go for a number three, or even a number four.
It is nice that people have apparently re-discovered the attraction of larger families! I guess mostly because of the changed attitudes in business life, mothers nowadays seem to be able to combine kids more easily with their (on hold) careers: maternity leave or working part time is slowly becoming more accepted, especially here in Europe. And obviously dads being more involved in the household helps too; in the Netherlands it’s quite common for fathers to work four days a week and have one ‘daddy-day’ with the kids… (I must admit I haven’t personally convinced my husband of the benefits just yet.)
I’m not sure how I will cope with three kids, my work as an architect and co-writing this great blog, but I’ve decided I’ll deal with that later. First I’m going to enjoy this last pregnancy!!
I just read this article by the former political editor of the Observer Magazine, Gaby Hinsliff, who recently gave up her career to bring up her son. I have been obsessed ever since my first daughter came along about how to “have it all”, and to be honest, I am still looking for the perfect solution, like a lot of us I’m sure…
I think Gaby Hinsliff touches on a lot of interesting points, namely how the recession might actually be an opportunity for us to redefine how we work and what is important to us.
I personally have now decided to go down the freelance option so that I can continue working but can also take long breaks. I earn less than I used to, but have decided that less expensive holidays and clothes are easy to give up for a few years at least. I would love to hear how other woman are coping. Has anyone found the “ideal” solution?
I have two daughters, one who is 18 months old and just likes any old party, whether it’s hers or not, just as long as there is music, lots of kids to run around with and a general buzz in the air. She still prefers the wrapping paper as opposed to the present inside it and, in fact, is as happy to receive an empty egg carton wrapped up as she would be receiving an expensive gift. As long as she can make a mess, she is content… (you might be able to see that in the photo…).
My three-year-old is a completely different kettle of fish; her own birthday party is the event of the year. She has been talking about her 4th birthday party ever since she turned 3, so that means this party has been planned for a whole 12 months, which is longer then people have to organize the Oscars.
She invites random people on the street to her party if they are nice to her. If she’s upset at me, I am told, “You are not invited to my party anymore!” (there is no point in me pointing out that without me there is not going to be any party). I am so used to people not making a big deal about their birthday and even trying to hide their age, that this birthday party obsession has taken me a bit by surprise!
Are birthday parties this important to all kids?? Or am I related to the youngest party animal in the world?
Now, I don’t want to come across all military or anything, because that’s definitely not my parenting style… but, sometimes things at home need a little shaking up. In a fun way of course!
You are probably familiar with the scenario where the morning routine is starting to go astray (I’m sure it can happen to even the most boot-camp style of households). As the year progresses and enthusiasm for school wanes, the children take longer to ‘get up and get going’ in the morning. Getting dressed and eating breakfast, brushing teeth and hair seems to take forever, and we are getting progressively later and later for school. The nightly routine isn’t faring any better; the kids don’t want to go upstairs for a bath, I finally get them up and they won’t get out! I guess that we are caught in a bit of a rut. And old incentives simply lose their… well… incentive!
I tried the ‘competition method’ of ‘let’s see who can get dressed first’ but with a 4-year gap between my two children and a highly competitive, very capable older sister, my sometimes clumsy son was bound to lose every time and that was not fair. So, I had to find another way…one that gave them an equal chance of winning! A challenge, rather than a competition…
Introducing the ‘Buzzer’, as we now affectionately call it! It is green and egg shaped and sometimes I have to wonder where it has been all my life (hiding in my spoon drawer in fact). Indeed it is my new parenting tool and an effective one too.
It works like this — I’ll challenge my children to be washed and out of the bath before the buzzer goes off in say, ‘5′ minutes. I just pluck a reasonable number (of minutes) and set the timer accordingly. I’ll then give them, say ‘7′ minutes to get dry, into their pyjamas and into bed with their chosen books. Oh, the excitement! My son, forever the enthusiast, is now asking me to set the buzzer when he goes to the toilet, blows his nose, does a somersault…..
Most people probably have a kitchen timer and if not even an alarm clock will do. But this gadget (similar ones available from Amazon) is fun and a novelty and is working a treat…..for now anyway!
ps. Just in case you were wondering — it doesn’t seem to work on husbands, I did try…….
As you probably know, Italians are experts at family dinners, especially the ’special occasion’ meals. We’ll usually have three (or more) generations sitting, eating and chatting their time away. I love them, but real life is different.
In our home it seems that even two generations is one too many as it’s nearly impossible to enjoy a meal with the children. They are fussy eaters, they need total dedication, encouragement and a lot of effort. The older one never finishes his (ant-size) portions of food, and the little one cannot sit still for longer than 10 minutes. Every other minute a spoon falls on the floor, or somebody’s beaker needs refilling. Not too mention the cutting and the chopping.
Call me a bad mother, but I simply cannot enjoy my food and the company in such situations.
The solution that works for us is to make two dinners, an early one for the children and a later one for us once the children are in bed. It also works well because, in spite of living in Italy, our children have very ‘British’ bedtimes. This way my husband and I are able to eat a quiet meal and have adult conversation.
Apparently I’m not alone: family dinners are not easy for a lot of people and the issue is quite controversial. Some people resort to bribing with desserts, some prefer to let the children eat alone.
I know this is temporary and in a couple of years the “perfect” family meal might be a reality for us too, and I do my best to teach them to be well mannered at the table, but these days this is what works best for us!
What happens in your family? Joint or separate?
Speaking about Simple Living — what better family entertainment can you think of than old-fashioned parlour and board games?? I think my kids are probably too little for strategy classics such as Chess, Checkers, Backgammon, or Monopoly— but I can’t wait until they are big enough because I just LOVE to sit around a big table and play games!
I recently challenged my husband to a few games of Scrabble (he lost), and it brought back such great memories of playing Scrabble with my mum on a winter evening. My grandmother and I have played endless rounds of RummyCub, so cosy…
As a student I played loads of Yahtzee with my housemates (still love the mix of strategy and luck; did you know dice were found in Egyptian tombs?). And Twister! Such fun!!!
The great benefit of playing parlour games (over f.i. watching television or playing computer games), apart from being fun and cheap, is that you’re interacting. Children learn to follow rules, wait for their turns, and to correct and challenge each other. It trains their strategic thinking and problem solving abilities, and can improve their skills. They also have to deal with the emotional consequences of their games: handling loss, helping a friend to handle a loss, and being a gracious winner…
“What did you do at school today?” is the first question I ask my son when I pick him up from school, and when the nanny picks him up it’s the question I normally ask during dinner. The second one is “What did you eat at school today?” (Which obviously doesn’t apply to the majority of schoolchildren all over the world who get their lunch packed by their mums.) What I invariably get as an answer is a blank stare followed by something in the line of “I don’t know/I can’t remember/I’m not sure”.
How come the extremely reliable memory of my son fails so spectacularly?
Now, I can’t remember where I read it but apparently the best way to get the information you want is to pose the question differently and ask “What is the best thing you did at school today?”. I tried it a couple of times last week and the reply, maybe just out of surprise for the new question, was way more satisfying than average.
Unfortunately, given the quality of the state school’s canteen service, I cannot apply the same trick to my second question. Somehow “What was the yummiest thing you had for lunch today?” would still get no answer.
I never thought I would do this, but I have turned into the biggest blackmailer in the world. I admit, before I had kids I would disdainfully listen to mothers blackmailing their kids and say to myself: When I have kids, I will never, ever do that! Forget about it – in desperate times you need to resort to desperate measures.
This morning I had an unusually grumpy, uncooperative child on my hand that I had to drop off to school. I went through all my boxes of tricks, cuddles, stern voice, happy voice, songs, tickles… nothing was motivating her to get up, eat her breakfast, put on her clothes and get ready for school. But one magic word did the trick: Malabar (one of these sweet, nasty confections that are so sticky and sweet that they need to be individually wrapped). I promised her a Malabar after school if she behaved well…. and from one second to the next, she turned into a little angel.
At school she started to get grumpy and again I whispered the magic word “Malabar” into her ear (did not want the teacher to hear me) and it worked another miracle.
I just want to formally apologize to all those blackmailing mom’s I looked at with shock in the past — they were right and I was wrong!
Before we moved to a new house a few weeks ago, we used to live in an apartment building. Parking in the basement, large elevator, and the rooms conveniently laid-out on one single level. Disadvantage: no garden. Advantage: no stairs.
Esther in Amsterdam
March 3rd, 2010
2 comments
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I have wanted to write a post on this for a while now as it is a topic that I unfortunately hear about way too often. Infertility is an issue that I have dealt with personally and continue to think about every single day of my life. To be honest, I don’t even know where to begin as there is just so much to talk about and I am sure you will hear a lot more from me on this. I thought I would just start with talking about some of the things that helped me get through the endurance contest of it all.
is a book that I had a love/hate relationship with but in the final analysis – it made a lot of sense. It takes direct aim at many of the popular parenting tactics today and clearly defends how threats, punishments, bribes and time-outs simply don’t work, and might erode a child’s self esteem. In my house we have good days and bad days but the most annoying part of the whole thing is the sound of my own voice being on repeat to get something accomplished.
When I was a kid, birthday parties were thrown at home and consisted of three elements:
Now, I don’t want to come across all military or anything, because that’s definitely not my parenting style… but, sometimes things at home need a little shaking up. In a fun way of course!
As you probably know, Italians are experts at family dinners, especially the ’special occasion’ meals. We’ll usually have three (or more) generations sitting, eating and chatting their time away. I love them, but real life is different.
“What did you do at school today?” is the first question I ask my son when I pick him up from school, and when the nanny picks him up it’s the question I normally ask during dinner. The second one is “What did you eat at school today?” (Which obviously doesn’t apply to the majority of schoolchildren all over the world who get their lunch packed by their mums.) What I invariably get as an answer is a blank stare followed by something in the line of “I don’t know/I can’t remember/I’m not sure”.
