So I went to see “New Moon” this weekend. I have been looking forward to it for months! And yes, I was one of the older people in the theater. And yes, I think Robert Patterson is hotter than hell! But in the final analysis I did not think the movie was as good as “Twilight”, a movie which reminded me that 1) vampires are actually much cooler and better dressed then I expected and 2) I needed to plan more “date nights.”
I really don’t like the term “date night.” I feel like there is so much pressure — like we are supposed to easily switch off our day-to-day roles and somehow slip back to the carefree days of our old selves…. days, say, when my husband did not openly pick his nose in front of me…. days when I could drink a bottle of wine and not be completely incapacitated the next day.
People talk about it a lot here but rarely stick to it and I totally get it. It’s just so hard to feel romantic and energized when you have young kids pulling at you all day long and what’s worse, a dinner out at a restaurant really just does not cut it.
But it is so important to do! To feel connected to your significant other as well as reclaim the side of yourself that exists outside of your daily role.
That being said, I decided to do a little internet search to find what cyberspace suggested to do on a “Date” and I nearly had an aneurysm at the thought of some of these suggestions. Surely they can’t be serious? Granted it’s from RedBook mag but COME ON!!!!
So when I was finished feeling VERY creeped out out over the RedBook list I tried to think of date ideas in NYC that would be transporting and memorable. Since I can’t ride in a hot air balloon over NYC without getting shot down by the military and I certainly can’t ask the pizza guy to cut a pie into the shape of a heart without being laughed out of town I thought that it’s best to look for ideas that put you in a new environment.
I just read this article by the former political editor of the Observer Magazine, Gaby Hinsliff, who recently gave up her career to bring up her son. I have been obsessed ever since my first daughter came along about how to “have it all”, and to be honest, I am still looking for the perfect solution, like a lot of us I’m sure…
I think Gaby Hinsliff touches on a lot of interesting points, namely how the recession might actually be an opportunity for us to redefine how we work and what is important to us.
I personally have now decided to go down the freelance option so that I can continue working but can also take long breaks. I earn less than I used to, but have decided that less expensive holidays and clothes are easy to give up for a few years at least. I would love to hear how other woman are coping. Has anyone found the “ideal” solution?
As you probably know, Italians are experts at family dinners, especially the ’special occasion’ meals. We’ll usually have three (or more) generations sitting, eating and chatting their time away. I love them, but real life is different.
In our home it seems that even two generations is one too many as it’s nearly impossible to enjoy a meal with the children. They are fussy eaters, they need total dedication, encouragement and a lot of effort. The older one never finishes his (ant-size) portions of food, and the little one cannot sit still for longer than 10 minutes. Every other minute a spoon falls on the floor, or somebody’s beaker needs refilling. Not too mention the cutting and the chopping.
Call me a bad mother, but I simply cannot enjoy my food and the company in such situations.
The solution that works for us is to make two dinners, an early one for the children and a later one for us once the children are in bed. It also works well because, in spite of living in Italy, our children have very ‘British’ bedtimes. This way my husband and I are able to eat a quiet meal and have adult conversation.
Apparently I’m not alone: family dinners are not easy for a lot of people and the issue is quite controversial. Some people resort to bribing with desserts, some prefer to let the children eat alone.
I know this is temporary and in a couple of years the “perfect” family meal might be a reality for us too, and I do my best to teach them to be well mannered at the table, but these days this is what works best for us!
What happens in your family? Joint or separate?
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I was reading yesterday that even London fashion week has gone back to basics. As the Guardian reported, instead of last year’s sashimi, this year simple Croque Monsieurs — otherwise known as plain old grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, are all the rage. After all, there is no food more cheap, cheerful and comforting as melted cheese on a buttered grilled piece of bread.
And this is my favourite way of making a Croque Monsieur:
Croque Monsieur for 4 people:
-8 big slices of Poulaine Bread (I love Poulaine bread, but any type of sour dough bread works)
-4 slices of ham
-3 good healthy handfuls of gruyere cheese
-butter
-1 egg
Bechamel sauce:
-200 ml milk
-1 tablespoon of flour
-20 g butter
To make the bechamel sauce: Melt the butter in a pan and add in the flour. Gradually add the milk, mixing constantly to avoid lumps. When the sauce starts to thicken continue cooking it for 2 minutes and then let it cool down to make the Croque Monsieur. (If you want to be really decadent, add an extra handful of gruyere to the bechamel).
Beat the egg and mixed it together with the cheese. Generously butter the slices of bread. Place a slice of bread with the buttered side down on a grill pan. Add on a slice of ham and some of cheese on top of the slice of bread and close the sandwich with a second slice of bread this time with the butter side facing up. Spread some bechamel sauce on top of the sandwich and finish off with more cheese. Repeat with the rest of the sandwiches and then grill until all the cheese is melted.
Now this is the basic recipe. Here are some of the variations I have come up with:
I love adding some mustard onto my bread and some tomatoes, but my girls hate it!
Add a fried egg on top of the croque to turn the Croque Monsieur into a Croque Madame.
And finally the vegetarian option, leave out the ham and add in sundried tomato or olive tapanade.
Oh, and if you serve it with a green salad dressed with vinaigrette, I promise you will feel like you are sitting at a bistro in Paris! Enjoy!
I pride myself in being a good multitasker, and I’m sure I’m not alone! Over the years my casual (but now numerous) observations have led me to believe that women are generally better multitaskers than men. Also, I believe this quality further improves with motherhood.
I may be wrong but it seems to me that mums are particularly good at handling many things at the same time. After all they (still in most cases) keep the family running! They can breastfeed while buying groceries online, then immediately switch to bathing the toddler while remembering to defrost the meat for dinner and load the washing machine with their husband’s dirty jogging clothes.
Isn’t this multitasking? Isn’t this a nice ability to possess?
Well, not everybody thinks so. The NYT reports the results of a Stanford study which has investigated the cognitive abilities of good multitaskers and found no advantage whatsoever if compared to low multitaskers. They were shocked too, but it seems that when a self-declared multitasker is bombarded with information his brain in the end does not work very efficiently. They actually performed all the tasks worse than the others.
So maybe the study was not designed well, maybe what I call multitasking is not really multitasking… or maybe good multitaskers are not necessarily smarter than the rest, they are just better multitaskers.
After all in many circumstances it’s more important that things get done more than how they get done. For example, it’s obviously more important that children get fed on time rather than receiving a gourmet supper.
So, call me stubborn… but I still consider multitasking a good thing.
Both my children have spent more than a few hours in our playpen in the first year of their lives. At the beginning it was just a nice place where they could lie and look at the mobile or play with the baby-gym. When they could sit it was a place where pillows and special toys were kept — a place to put them when I needed both my hands. When they started to crawl it became a safe place where they could also experiment with some new moves. Even when they were older than 12 months I put them in the playpen always surrounded by toys or books.
I had no idea it was such a controversial piece of equipment until I read this article on Slate. Maybe it was because my mother used it with me, or because Esther (who I was basically sharing my life with after we both gave birth in late spring 2005) had a very cool wooden one, or just because I never used it for very long stretches of time. Honestly it never crossed my mind that I might have been slowing down my children’s development.
My approach has always been a very practical one — if it helped me get by with daily life it was a good thing.
I also tried to follow the smart advice from Esther of keeping some nice and beloved toys in the playpen so that being in there meant being able to play with those special toys.
Have you used one? Any tips or recommendations for a smart use?
I admit I’m lucky — my academic work gives me a lot of flexibility and, especially in the summer, I can take a lot of time off to spend with my family. My husband is not as free but still he spent 2 weeks with us in the mountains. This is absolutely normal in Italy. Depending on family income the destination may vary but 2 or 3 weeks of holiday in August is definitely not a luxury.
Spending so much time with my children is physically draining but extremely emotionally rewarding. We somehow get to know each other better and enjoy new experiences together. Every night now my husband tells me how his relationship with our moody and recently-mother-needy daughter improves by the day as he gets to spend more time with her.
So when I read this article on Babble I was pretty shocked — I knew that European workers were kind of lucky in terms of paid vacations but I had no idea that most American workers have about one week of holiday a year.
I think this corporate culture is depriving workers and their families of some basic rights. But maybe it’s just my European upbringing that has lead me to take for granted a few things.
Still I totally believe that happier and more rested workers are in the end more productive. (I wonder if any of my fellow economists have done any empirical studies on this.)
But maybe who knows, the new administration seems to have families and children in high regard….
At the moment I am really enjoying cutting corners, recycling and making do with what we have, embracing a simple lifestyle. However, there are a few things that are not worth skimping on and children’s security is one of them, but being security conscious does not mean breaking the bank.
I found this article in the Guardian about how to choose a buggy sensibly and they had some really good tips.
I actually wish I had read it before getting mine. I am the proud owner of three buggies, and that is exactly two buggies too many!
The other day I read an article in an Italian newspaper about child nudity that quoted this article in the New York Times. The article discusses, with the aid of interviews and psycologists’ opinions, whether it is appropriate to let children play around in the nude, and until when. The article also discusses whether it could be appropriate at home but not in public places, and also whether the presence of unknown adults matters.
From the sheer number of comments (on the online article) I realized this topic is quite hot and controversial.
I think I have an “average” attitude toward the issue, in the sense that I typically encourage my children to have their clothes on at home (or outside of it), but do let them run around naked on the beach or in a friend’s garden if they so wish. Even at home we take a relaxed approach; I never go about doing my business in the nude but I also never hide myself when dressing or coming out of the shower. Sometimes my children point at me, after all my body is different from theirs, and sometimes they just don’t care.
Although I’m pretty sure that any child below the age of 3 should not offend anyone’s feeling if he or she is seen naked, I’m not too sure about when, and if, this freedom should stop for the comfort of the child and the people surrounding him/her.
I actually have stronger feelings, like some of the other commenters, about some types of clothing which tend to “sexualize” things that are not sexual. Baby girls in a bikini bottom are not actually topless in my world; I actually find it more strange when I see a 5-year-old girl wearing a bikini.
We are now at the seaside, so I had a look around. Most babies and toddlers (mine included) wear a swimsuit, but it can happen that they get rid of it because it’s wet or sandy… and then nobody has any problem with that. Preschoolers and older children are typically dressed all the time, but this is Italy after all. I’m sure that on a beach full of northern Europeans there would be more children in their “birthday suits”, and I’m also sure nobody would object.
I also think that I have an aesthetic criterion: naked children are cute — naked adults much less so (most of the time)!
I’m usually a fashion magazine reader, but lately I’ve been tempted (while stuck in line at the checkout) to grab the mags that promise easy weeknight dinners or dresses that make you look thinner, like plenty of hurried moms out there. My latest purchase was the July issue of O Magazine, in which I’ve discovered a very interesting article on shopping. I consider myself a bit of a shopping expert, or shopaholic at the least, and I’ve even managed to make a career out of it with my shopping tours in Paris. (When I was 2, someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I answered, “A shopper like my Mommy!”)
And this article, entitled 6 Common Shopping Traps, proves what I’ve known all along– shopping does something to the brain to make you feel better! That is, in some individuals, anyway — it seems that “feel good” parts of the brain are activated when they shop, and others have strong reactions in the pain centers in the brain. Think I can convince my husband that shopping is actually making me healthy? Check out the article for more info and other tips on how not to overspend. Thanks, Oprah!
I came across this article on Parenting, about the pros and cons of different age gaps between siblings.
They came up with three classes: less than 2 years apart, 2 to 3 years apart, and more than 4 years apart. I have to admit they seem to list them perfectly. The authors, in fact, mention the logistical nightmares of having 2-under-2 children around, but also stress the strong bonds they will develop. For the second group they highlight the fact that the older son may better understand what’s going on, but still may not react well to the new arrival. The wider spacing instead has the logistical and financial benefits of not having two children in daycare or college, but they most likely will be less involved with each other.
They also talk about the effects on marriage with each option. It’s good food for thought in my opinion.
This made me think about my own experience… I belong to the second group as my children are 2½ years apart. I honestly think that it must have been easier in the early days, if I compare myself to the other girls who had number 2 before me. But I have to admit that my children still do not interact or play much together; I can see it happening but they still do not entertain each other as closer in age siblings do.
This may also depend on the fact the my older son is very intellectual while my younger daughter is very physical so most days their age gap may seem wider than it actually is.
I guess there may not really be a ‘right’ way of spacing children, or at least not one rule good for everybody.
What’s your experience?
Last week I wrote about rear-facing car seats, about how much safer they’ve proven to be for children under 4 years old, and about how difficult they are to find here in the UK. Since then I’ve received a few different e-mails in support of rear-facing car seats, including one from the lovely Corina of KIDSEN — a cute Scandinavian kid’s shop here in London.
Originally from Sweden (where rear-facing seats are standard practice), Corina couldn’t imagine putting her 2-year-old in a forward-facing seat. So she went on a search for a rear-facing seat which would fit a UK car and ended up buying the Brio Zento.
The Zento is one of the most versatile combination seats on the market. It meets the more stringent Nordic safety standards, it fits most UK cars, and is approved for rear-facing for kids up to 25kg.
I’ve personally seen and tested the car seat and was very impressed. My biggest reservation about rear-facing seats has always been whether my kids’ legs would fit comfortably. But I sat my 2-year-old in the seat and there was plenty of leg room!
The Zento seat is available from KIDSEN here in London, and you can contact them if you have any questions.
Last Sunday was Father’s Day in many countries (not in Italy though) and reading a few blogs I discovered the essay President Obama wrote on the occasion for Parade magazine.
The title, “We need fathers to step up“, is very powerful and so is the whole essay, simply to the point — as the President has got us used to. He grew up without a father and still managed to be elected to the most important position in the world, so this means that everything is possible in spite of your upbringing.
Still he writes that fathers have to be present in body, mind and soul for their children. They have to be there through thick and thin and to make an effort of shielding the younger ones from the problems in their own adult life. They have to be role models because parents are the primary teachers in a child’s life.
I think it’s an ode to the role of fathers, and of parents in general irrespective of gender. Obama himself recalls of the pledge he made on the way back from the hospital with a newborn Malia in the backseat, “that I would give her what I never had—that if I could be anything in life, I would be a good father. I knew that day that my own life wouldn’t count for much unless she had every opportunity in hers. And I knew I had an obligation, as we all do, to help create those opportunities and leave a better world for her and all our children”.
I think it’s a good read. Unfortunately some fathers still need to remember that the rights and duties of parenthood do not rest with the XX chromosome.
There has been so much in the newspapers lately about Madonna adopting from Malawi. I am not an expert in adoption and cannot claim to understand the complexities both legally and ethically of adopting from another country and culture. But I do wonder whether it’s okay to take a child away from the culture it is deeply rooted in and whisk them away to a completely different environment. I honestly don’t know.
Maybe naively I have always considered adoption as a very viable option if I had not been able to have my own children. I do think that I could love a child as my own irrelevant of whether it is genetically related to me and my husband or not. There seem to be so many children in the world without a family who need a home and a loving environment.
But, in the case of Madonna, is this a mother honestly trying to give a little girl a home and love and support, or is she a celebrity used to getting whatever she wants and not thinking of the impact her decisions have on the life of this little girl?
I’ve lived here in the UK for six years now and I’ve never actually seen a rear-facing car seat (apart from the Maxi Cosi baby car seat we use). Unlike in Scandinavia where rear-facing seats are the norm, here in the UK it is common practice to put your child in a forward facing car seat at the age of 8 months or so. In fact, rear facing car seats are surprisingly hard to find and are expensive if you manage to find them.
This might all be about to change, as a new report by the British Medical Journal advises the use of rear-facing car seats for children under 4 years old. Apparently frontal collisions account for almost 80% of accidents, and it is proven that a rear-facing car seat is better at protecting the child’s head, neck and spine in these accidents.
Here are two good websites which explain rear-facing: RearFacing and CarSeat. I’m not sure I will run out and buy rear-facing car seats for all my kids, but I think it’s definitely something to consider.
Do any of you have your kids in rear-facing seats?
Imagine arriving at a hospital in full labour and being greeted by nurses and doctors dressed in Hello Kitty gear, not to mention the rooms being completely decorated with Hello Kitty accessories. I think I would be so shocked that I would forget about the pain!
Whatever works to make birth a pleasurable experience for other people is fine by me. But I think there is a fair chance that I would feel like bopping a ‘Hello Kitty’-dressed doctor on the head while he was trying to give me an epidural.
I also would love to know if kids born in this hospital are going to have a secret Hello Kitty addiction…
Summer is around the corner and it will bring bare legs and arms. But those of us who are not in perfect shape may be a bit reluctant to follow suit.
This entertaining article on the Guardian gives some nice and intelligent style tips to help you achieve a smart look while avoiding faux pas down that slippery road. The tips include not baring too much chest if legs are on show or never to buy a skirt with a hem at mid-calf, mid-knee or mid-thigh – that would just be too unflattering. There is also a cute way of finding out the right length for your leg shape, because, as the author reminds us, the beauty of legs is in the shape, and they do not have to be extra-slim to look nice. Apparently they are also the last part of your body to age!
Go on, show your LTZ (lower thigh zone)!
Lets face it girls, we all deserve a drink from time to time. Though, with children at home, we cannot quickly slip on our heels and head down to the nearest bar. But sometimes a little something to celebrate the end of a long week on a Friday night is an absolute necessity!
Not just any old drink, but something that tickles the taste buds and makes you feel like there is more to life than snot.
I am a very partial to a well made mojito. Then again…. a perfectly mixed martini is hard to beat! Here are some of the best classic cocktail recipes I have seen in a long time, but if you have any to recommend — I would love to hear! I am always up for a new experience when it comes to cocktails!
I have a boy and a girl and wanted to know the sex with both my pregnancies as soon as it was possible. Courtney didn’t, and I admire her for this. It must be one of the biggest surprises ever… but I’m just too curious and could not resist.
With my first pregnancy I wanted a girl, and got a boy. In the end I could not be happier.
The second time around I was honestly indifferent. I would have been happy with another boy — a good playmate for number one, or a girl– a new challenge. But what kept amazing me was how direct people were in telling me how I must have been hoping for a girl. Once I knew, people kept remarking how lucky I had been to get one of each. Even in front of friends that had same sex children.
I’m sure all these people meant well, but it seemed to me they were all too sure of what was best for me. There I was, wondering how our family equilibrium would have changed with the 4th member, irrespective of the sex, and they were so sure that a girl would have made our life much better.
I have now been blessed with a very feminine and sensitive boy and with a pretty masculine goofy girl. But I have the feeling all that conversation was just meaningless talk. A new baby is a blessing and that’s all.
So when I read this article I realised that Courtney must be experiencing this, just multiplied by ten…. with two boys under 4 and a third baby on the way.
Oh and by the way, I don’t think a receptionist blew the surprise for her (or at least I’m not one of the closest friends who know). But it won’t be long before we find out….
So I went to see “New Moon” this weekend. I have been looking forward to it for months! And yes, I was one of the older people in the theater. And yes, I think Robert Patterson is hotter than hell! But in the final analysis I did not think the movie was as good as “Twilight”, a movie which reminded me that 1) vampires are actually much cooler and better dressed then I expected and 2) I needed to plan more “date nights.”
Dina in New York
December 15th, 2009
14 comments
As you probably know, Italians are experts at family dinners, especially the ’special occasion’ meals. We’ll usually have three (or more) generations sitting, eating and chatting their time away. I love them, but real life is different.
I was reading yesterday that even London fashion week has gone back to basics. As the 
I pride myself in being a good multitasker, and I’m sure I’m not alone! Over the years my casual (but now numerous) observations have led me to believe that women are generally better multitaskers than men. Also, I believe this quality further improves with motherhood.
Both my children have spent more than a few hours in our playpen in the first year of their lives. At the beginning it was just a nice place where they could lie and look at the mobile or play with the baby-gym. When they could sit it was a place where pillows and special toys were kept — a place to put them when I needed both my hands. When they started to crawl it became a safe place where they could also experiment with some new moves. Even when they were older than 12 months I put them in the playpen always surrounded by toys or books.
I admit I’m lucky — my academic work gives me a lot of flexibility and, especially in the summer, I can take a lot of time off to spend with my family. My husband is not as free but still he spent 2 weeks with us in the mountains. This is absolutely normal in Italy. Depending on family income the destination may vary but 2 or 3 weeks of holiday in August is definitely not a luxury.
At the moment I am really enjoying cutting corners, recycling and making do with what we have, embracing a simple lifestyle. However, there are a few things that are not worth skimping on and children’s security is one of them, but being security conscious does not mean breaking the bank.
