The pregnancy ‘club’

Being in the final stages of pregnancy, walking around with a nice plump bump, I’m reminded of that wonderful, sweet secret of pregnancy: there is some sort of unspoken yet certainly acknowledged ‘club’ that pregnant women belong to. Other pregnant women will always acknowledge you, even if it’s just in their eyes, and you feel this comfort in knowing that someone else understands what you’re going through. It’s a special bond you can have with a complete stranger, someone you have never even seen before…and there’s something so wonderfully supportive about it.

What I also love is that everyone, strangers even!, become so much more friendly. There seems to be different rules of engagement whenever pregnant women are involved. You suddenly become so much more approachable. People will smile and ask you how much longer you have to go. Are you having a boy or a girl? How are you feeling? etc. It’s so nice! I really wish it were always like this.

And, as I remember from previous babies, the funny thing about it is that… boom! the minute your baby is born, you are no longer a part of this ‘club’. Pregnant women will no longer send you that little knowing, comforting look, and you suddenly feel like you’ve lost a whole support system, just because you no longer have a baby bump. Does anyone else know what I’m talking about? I remember very specifically after my first pregnancy, trying to give a pregnant mom ‘the look’ and she just looked up and looked down, and there was nothing in her eyes that showed we shared anything in common. Isn’t that so interesting? I quickly learned that if I wanted any sort of supportive ‘I know what you’re going through’ looks, I should specifically look for other new mothers.

Please share your experiences. Do you know what I’m talking about, or have I just imagined it all? I would love to hear.

xx Courtney

12 COMMENTS - Add your own

1. Bekka | September 24, 2012 | Reply

Courtney, I know exactly that feeling. There is definitely ‘the look’ and the feeling of being in the ‘club.’ Felt it strongly when I was pregnant and out and about. And was sad to lose that shared knowing – as your describe so well, that sweet secret. Enjoy, enjoy, oh beautiful mama x

2. Estelle | September 24, 2012 | Reply

I completely agree! I remember feeling quite bereft when I realised that I was no longer a member of the ‘club’. I also remember seeing it from the other side when I was pregnant for a second time. It was almost as if I didn’t feel ready to acknowledge the new baby part of the process and that new mothers were kind of a distraction from the feeling of being pregnant. It’s hard to describe really, but you are right, there’s definitely a change which takes places the minute you give birth.

3. elizabeth antonia | September 24, 2012 | Reply

So so true!! You could even have a newborn in your arms and you are still not treated the same way.

I’ve also noticed this time around in my prenatal yoga or swimming classes that women who are pregnant for the first time tend to stick together more. or maybe i have less time this pregnancy to converse after class? interesting all the same!


4. Nicky | September 25, 2012 | Reply

I definitely felt this way with Anya, our first child. This time, like Elizabeth, you don’t feel quite as special though lots of people are still lovely about the bump. More so on my own than with a two year old, but the bump is still special to us. And so many congratulations to you! x

5. Sarah | September 25, 2012 | Reply

100% agree Court! Now that I too am plump and round, even in LA people are smiling, asking me about the gender and generally see to care. Boy how it will all change once baby #3 makes it’s debut. You look as fabulous as you did w/ the other 3! Sxx

6. Esther in Amsterdam | September 25, 2012 | Reply

Definitely true. Love the smile exchanges between pregnant girls! And so true that people treat you more nicely… (Or maybe we just feel more special and send out a different message? — who knows?) xxx

7. Esther in Amsterdam | September 25, 2012

PS your belly looks so cute! Can’t wait to meet that little baby int here!! xxx

8. Lindsey | September 25, 2012 | Reply

Couldn’t agree more! It’s a fun, secret club for a brief time. And people are so friendly when you’re pregnant. feel like I made a bunch of new friends at my kids’ school/sport classes last year being pregnant. :)

9. Berlin Kangaroo | September 25, 2012 | Reply

So true! But at least we always have a club! ( the new mums, the mums with toddlers, the mums with teenagers etc etc) We need to stick together! xx

10. Katie | September 26, 2012 | Reply

Yes, and….girls are nicer. You know how girls can be their own worst enemies, horrible looks at each other, that look when you walk in a room, disappears when your pregnant and girls smile at you, even the not pregnant ones. I think that is because you are non threatening when pregnant, in this unspoken competition all women seem to have with each other. I love that about being pregnant and hate it when it stops and you are with a new born baby or toddlers and no more unspoken support. Also notice the looks from first time pregnant mums, to you with a screaming toddler, that say my baby will never be like that! Wow I actually think more about this than I realised, here’s to more solidarity between all women…. :)

11. Eva @ Sycamore Street Press | October 3, 2012 | Reply

I know exactly what you mean! Everyone is extra nice to you when they see you are pregnant, but as soon as you have the baby, you go back to being normal. Even within the family, the attention goes from you to the new baby… which is as it should be, but still takes a little getting used to (I was surprised to notice).

12. Karla | October 4, 2012 | Reply

I totally agree! Suddenly after you give birth, that crying baby is annoying and shut it up already! And then you’re judged for not having the same parenting style… *sigh*