The Talk
I have finally had The Talk with Coco who is now 5½. You know which talk I mean? The one where your innocent, little kid turns around to you and asks: where do babies come from? The Talk invariably happens at an inopportune moment, normally in a crowded tube or in a civilised, quiet restaurant while your kid should just be enjoying an ice-cream and certainly not be thinking about baby making.
I actually panicked, as this was a defining moment of her life! If I messed this one up, there could be years of therapy in front of my daughter, where she would blame me for messing up her sex life. But how do you go about it? Do you get technical, throw a book at your child and hope she figures it out, talk about birds and bees or even the stork? I thought I dealt with it reasonably well and only got stuck on the technicality of what sperms look like… which I decided could be dealt with later.
Yesterday we were walking down the street with a friend of mine who has recently become pregnant. She told Coco she had a baby in her tummy. Coco’s response was certainly direct: “You mean that you did the thing where you stuck the penis in the vagina?” Maybe I should have stuck with the stork version of the story! Have you talked to your kids about sex yet? Any tips?
-Emilie
Photo found via Antique Trader.
LEAVE A COMMENT
15 COMMENTS - Add your own
I don’t have any kids, but I do remember what my mom did when I was about that age. She took me to the library, we picked out a book, she told me to read it and if I had any questions I should come to her. When I was about 13 or 14 and I wanted to know what a clitoris was she told me to take the dictionary. LOL She was pretty open about everything but she wanted my sister and myself to at least try and figure it out for ourselves first. And the books we got from the library had pretty self explanatory pictures. Hey… it was Holland in 1980. It was all about free thinking…
I think she did okay… Whatever you do is fine.. just don’t panic.
Gosh, I remember my dad and THE TALK. Funny. I think I was 13 or 14, just had my first period, and of course I knew all the ins and outs about sex from hearsay and school and books. My dad mumbled something about what sex was (‘I know, dad! I know”) and then said the most important thing — that it’s a really really special thing that happens between two people that love each other. I think THE TALK took about 4 minutes, but it was perfect!
About the birds and the bees — I haven’t explained my kids juts yet — I’ll wait till they ask me directly or find out themselves… xxx
I had one of these moments last Sunday. I was sharing a toilet cubicle with my daughter at a very crowded theatre and she was busy reading the signs on the walls. She came across the word tampon and loudly asked me what a tampon was. I told her it was for grown ups and I would explain more later. Of course she kept asking and I couldn’t get out of that bathroom quick enough!
She had the baby talk a few years ago but I kept it very basic.I guess now I need to elaborate and explain periods as well.
My kids are 4 and 6 and I just told them that you need an man and a woman, so every child has a father and mother, always, and when the man and the woman love each other al lot they will get a baby. The baby starts out so small you cannot see it and then it grows and grows and tátá an baby! So when you want them when you are grown up start to look out for somebody you really, really like a lot.
They were totally satisfied with this.
My daughter is 4 and has wanted to know about babies since she was 2 when my son was born. She would tell any one who would listen (when she was 2) that the baby was going to come out of Mamas vagina! Recently she asked me how the baby got in there, I told her that Dadda gave me a very special seed that only a Dadda can give a Mama! She was happy with this for about 5 minutes, then she asked a ton of questions, including, what colour was the seed and what did it look like. I think i will wait a little bit longer before we go into more detail!
For all difficult question, only one option :
“What do you think ?”.
This is the tip from an old friend, that I have been using hundred times with my kids. They phrase in their own words what they would like to understand. The conversation usually stops when they had enough to feel comfortable, and this is not necessarily the whole story ! + it is a 2-way discussion.
Works for death, divorce, babies, etc…
A few days ago, there was a kind of “talk” but with alll three kids (8, 5 1/2 and 4) around. The penis and vagina went well but then the questions about twins, how many seeds from each way and so on came… OMG!
Sounds like you did a good job, Emilie. Presumably your friend just roared with laughter and said yes?
Apparently, when my mother told me (aged 5ish), I said “ugh, I’m never goijng to let my husband do that to me”… Three children later, I’m just about coming to terms with it!
Emilie, you’re so brave to have The Talk with Coco already! Easton (6) has asked where babies come from and I’ve explained that they start as a tiny egg inside the mother and when the egg is fertilized it can start to grow into a baby. But I’ve never gone so far as to explain HOW the egg gets fertilized! I think I was 11 when my mom first explained it to me… and I was terrified!
Personally, I think that age 5/6/7 is still a bit too young…. but on the other hand, maybe it’s better if you talk about it at an early age and it then becomes no big deal. It’s a totally natural thing after all.
I would just worry that if all the moms started telling their kids about sex at this young age… then those kids might start telling the other kids who haven’t been told yet. And that would be sad for my kids to learn about sex from another kid rather than from their parents! So it’s almost as if there should be a universal rule about when parents start to tell their kids about sex (sort of like Santa Clause, I guess!). ????
My eldest daughter is just 9 and I decided I’d wait until she asked me questions before embarking on The Talk… I waited and waited and waited & still she never asked a thing, even though I knew other class mates & friends had had the ‘talk’ long ago. I started to worry that maybe she wasn’t asking because she already knew from friends! So a few months ago I ‘cracked’ and after walking past some graffiti with the word S.E.X. on it (which she giggled at) when we got home I asked if she knew what the word ’sex’ actually meant – it was a good lead in to ‘the talk’ and it went really well (I hope!). Also it was reassuring to see that all her friends who already knew the ‘facts’ hadn’t passed much on in the playground (she had a vague idea about ’special cuddles’ but nothing else!) glad to say I was still able to enlighten her myself!
My daughter was desperate to know where babies came from, when her kindergarden teacher was pregant last year so I had to have the talk with her at age 5. We talked about bodies and the fact that the baby came out of the vagina but at the moment she is still satisfied with the ’special hug’ explanation and I am sticking to it for now but when she does ask, I will tell her. I do understand the concern that she can then tell other children who have not had the talk yet but I have to concentrate on having an open relationship with my daughter and that is paramount to me.
Thanks for all the comments! Claire: my friend literally could not stop laughing. Courtney: I am now really embarrassed, I had no idea that there was an universal rule not to tell the truth about Santa Clause!
It is really interesting as from your comments it seems like there is no wrong age from the Talk…. I guess all kids are fascinated by baby-making at different times in their lives.
Hi emilie! as a storyteller and always around lots of books i have found that babette cole’s book “Mummy laid an egg” is great for the talk! keeps it light and fun and you can choose how much details you want to give according to their age… but i love the “What do you think?” approach as it allows you to explain things from their perspective! Love love love your blog!!!! beijinhos from Lisboa, Portugal
My MIlla has been asking me the question since she was about 3. It was innocent, wow, how can one make a baby, sort of thing. I told her, it starts with a special kiss between man and woman and puff, … baby is in the tummy (I skipped the details). She then asked me how did she come out of my belly, I told her the doctor helped to take her out (caesarian) and she wanted to see the scar etc. Just a few months ago, a few years after the conversation (she is 5 and a half now), she said to me (quite upset) that her friends are telling her, she is lying. The doctor never cut my stomach because all babies come out from vaginas! She then asked me, if I had told her the truth about my scar and how can she come out from the vagina? Did I poop?
It was all too much for me so I told her, she really came out from the scar I have on my belly and that one day, I’ll explain more.
She was content with that. UUUffff!
[...] my recent brush with one of the most important questions in life: “How are babies made?”, I decided to [...]