To kiss or not to kiss and how many times? This is the question
I am so happy to be in France as the greeting etiquette here is simple. Everyone kisses everyone on each cheek. It doesn’t matter if you are old, young, female or male. Kids kiss all their classmates every morning when they get to school and grown-ups kiss every member of their office when they get into work. It is maybe not the most productive way of starting the day but that is just the way it is. A quick kiss on each cheek, minimal body contact, et voila, all is good.
Then suddenly last week, here in Paris, I met a German, who, while I was happily offering him my cheek decided that he wanted to shake my hand… very embarrassing! He obviously thought I was quite forward. And I am not the only one who has this problem… The French president, Nicholas Sarkozy, almost caused an international incident when he decided to kiss the newly elected German chancellor, Angela Merkel, instead of accepting her outstretched hand. (She apparently did not know how to deal with the heavy dose of Gallic charm).
I can also remember many embarrassing situations where I was left hanging in mid air while someone only does one air kiss, or on the other hand, I left someone hanging as they wanted to give me three kisses! Then there are also the people from I-don’t-know-what country, who want to hug you, which is even more complicated than the kisses as I never know how strong the hug should be or if I should be hugging around the waist or the neck! It is all too confusing!
I really think there should be an EU regulation on how to greet people. Europe is getting way too international, and of course we can’t agree on a common agricultural policy if we don’t even know how to greet each other.
-Emilie
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I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Tina Russell
So funny, and sooo recognizable! LOL!
In the Netherlands we give three kisses, but only to friends. In the States, a hug is common, even for vague acquaintances. In Holland you would just hug your husband or children!
In Belgium, one peck on the cheek is the custom, whereas in the UK, 2 is the norm!
When I’m not “The Antiques Diva™”, I am Chairman of The International Women’s Contact Amsterdam – and in making new friends with acquaintances around the globe, I find “to kiss, or not to kiss” is always the question! Since I live in Holland, I go for the standard 3. When in France, I always do 2, unless with an exceptionally good French friend and then I know I’ve “arrived socially” when they elevate me to a flurry of 4 friendly kisses! The Italians simply confuse me as I never know how many times they are going to kiss me and I always “over kiss” my Belgian girlfriends as a standard peck somehow seems lacking in enthusiasm!
When we first moved overseas nearly a decade ago, my husband had his first encounter with the “bisous”. Not knowing how the Europeans greet each other in a continental kiss, he awkwardly grasp the shoulders of our (very attractive) PASTOR’S WIFE and laid a “full on – full lips” kiss on each cheek – much to her surprise!!! She later kindly explained to him that when “making a bisous” one doesn’t actually touch the person they are kissing! I’ve since used this “no actual touching rule” as a guideline – regardless of the country I’m in! My husband, who now kisses European friends and colleagues without qualm, tends to avoid the bisous with other Americans claiming it’s culturally awkward, while I embrace the “embrasse” regardless of nationality!
The Antiques Diva ™
http://www.antiquesdiva.blogspot.com
I think we should all do one kiss. After living in Amsterdam for a year I now do the three kisses but how long does that take if you are meeting up with a group of girlfriends! If we cut it down to one kiss we could all get on with drinking wine so much faster
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True! We should write a petition!
Being an American in London, I have found that people think “oh- she’s American- I’ll just hug her”, but because i live here in London, i think I should give two kisses! It’s always a bit awkward for me too because I give kisses to people who are giving me a hug. Very weird!
I go for the sandard two kisses.
What I have a problem with is which part to start from…..left or right?
Do we have an international convention?
I seem to get it wrong so often!!
Yeah, and then you end up bouncing noses. Awful.
I always start left, but I don’t know if there’s a rule.
Two is fine for me.
Three leaves me confused..
I usually start right maybe because I’m right handed. I once kissed my boss smack on the lips because we went for different sides. How embarrassing.
Ah. thank you for this. An American from a not very physical family, married to a German, I always admired the warmness in Paris, and want my kids to pick it up. But, minus the experience, I never felt comfortable enough to get the process right
When in Paris, I had loads of trouble sorting out the system, only simply wanted to be comfortable with it. I’ve done the smack on the lips as well as the hug / missed kisses. My question is who kisses on the cheek first, or is there a standard? As in when you lean in, does one person accepts then kiss, and then you switch sides, or are they just air kisses?
you know what Keri? There are unfortunately no standards!I would say the safest way is to stick to air kisses, and know the rules. UK 1 kiss, France 2 kisses, Netherlands 3 kisses and Germany a handshake!